Going day to day from now on…for the next few weeks.
I’m sitting at home on the couch half asleep with my cup of coffee. A cute new cup that me and my fiancée bought yesterday at the five rand store. The cup is humongous, cute, green and has the face and form of a tiny owl. The front door is open, I can hear the little birds chirping away outside The sun is shining golden on the already half golden wall.
Despite all these beautiful and contagiously wonderful things, these things that would usually fill me with utter joy, I’m still filled with anxiety.
Today is my first day at a two week internship, and I have an absolute paralysis-fear for first days..well actually anything that I don’t know. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m not adventurous, but I’m not a diver of deep unknown pools.
What can I say, it’s not me?
Besides the nerves cracking me up, I’m trying to keep a sane mind, besides, yesterday was a great day. I packed up all my sentimental stuff at my flat in Hermanus, by sentimental I ,mean pretty much most of the stuff I own, that place is empty now. I think the salt and pepper that I left could quite possibly be 50% of the things I left there, and I’m already starting to get a strong longing to them.
Me and Steven(my fiancée) spent most of our morning packing up the flat, in to the car. Packing up books, my Buddha statues, plants, groceries…pretty much everything that I could fit in the car. The three little cactus/fat plants that used to stand in my bedroom windowsill with my hand crafted wooden Buddha stood on back of the back seat, tending as decorations for anyone looking through the back windscreen. I would have kept them there if they weren’t going to wilt in the heat of the car.
We had a long shopping day planned, but of course we ignored the obvious sign that it was a public holiday and all the shops were closed, don’t ask what holiday, I have a habit of not giving a damn about dates or special days. Except for Christmas and birthdays. But I think it’s more about the value of the gifts than it is of the actual value of the holiday.
We did find some shops open though, (like the five rand store). I finally found myself a yoga mat! I’ve been wanting one for so long, the first thing I did when we got home after we unpacked the car(actually, Steven was still busy carrying out suitcases and boxes of books) was unroll my mat and turn earthwards in downward facing dog. It was exhilarating wonderful feeling that seeped through me as I saw my toe prints on the spongy dark turquoise sponge-plastic mat.
Mostly it’s just nice to be home, in my little half decorated haven.
Reality hasn’t kicked in, but as I know myself it probably won’t until the two weeks is over and I’m back at school and everything has turned to memories.
I’m still struggling to get hold of my reality.