I’m writing again.
I’ve got something that I want to say.
We all get those days when we feel angry and grumpy and horrible about ourselves and our lives. Like failures. Am I right?
Maybe there are those few lucky ones who always feel amazing about themselves and they’re lives; and I am truly happy for those few people…
Being happy/content is what we all strive for. It is the soul reason we do all things in life. It is the reason we do everything.
It is why we dress, get up at 5 in the morning to go run 10 miles, why we work hard, why we so badly want to be accepted by others. It is all so that we can accept ourselves.
Maybe its because we value ourselves so highly that any life short of perfection is lacking; or, we value ourselves so little that no matter what we do, we will never be good enough. I like the first option better, it makes more sense. Besides, it’s nice to think highly of myself. It’s nice striving for high things. It makes you feel worthy of something.
In some sense I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I have aimed so utterly high that I have no idea how to reach it. It is terrifying; knowing that you don’t quite fit in to the life that you have envisioned for yourself (not yet), yet knowing it is the only life that you could ever possibly accept for yourself. It is a fear.
It is mostly that fear that is keeping me from becoming, and growing, who I wish to be…fear is the only thing holding me back, the thing that I need to get rid of. Easier said than done.
“Life begins on the other side of fear.” (Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.)
Where do we begin? What do I do today to eventually get where I want to be?
Finish writing this, clean out my closet, walk my dog, smile…
I’ve only ever been seriously addicted to one thing in my life. Something very lame. And this thing has sent me through numerous depressions, pig outs, month long slumbers, rage and becoming an utter couch potato. Naturally, without this, I’m a go getter, hands on, happy person that actually has the potential to do something with her life.At least, I hope so.
This thing can be put on a screen of a computer, a tablet, a cellphone…nope, not a cellphone. It’s not technology, and its not social media, not pornography (thank God)!
Its simply looking at other peoples lives.
The real thing is, I know the solution to my “problem”; just pick up a book. Read it. Just get it together, that’s what I tell myself. “Just do it!”
On the other side I think that I fear my dreams. That life that I envision for myself. It is unfamiliar. We all fear the unfamiliar. We fear the things that we don’t know and understand. But if we could overcome that fear, imagine just how utterly significant our lives could be. We could go to the end of space (literally)!
Sometimes it is hard to have friends that are successful and happy and already have everything sorted out. They don’t mean harm, but it is horrible realizing that your life is not what you want it to be, and having no idea how to get out of it.
But maybe its good. The realization of dissatisfaction could help to get you to do what needs to be done.
After all, its better than the alternative, the alternative being sitting on your couch in your pyjamas looking at an alien tree discovering that the leaves blowing in the wind looks just like ribbons!