I just found Eli! And this is not the big, scary, black guy that carried the Bible all across North America (following Gods command) in a post apocalyptic world…and then you find out he was actually blind the whole time even if he could fight like Bruce Lee, John Cena, the Matrix all wrapped into one. Come on, he was good, even if he was just a character in a movie. No, I’m not talking about the guy in “The book of Eli”.
I’m talking about my Eli.
My Eli is a 8 week old German Shepherd (Alsation). I have been searching for the right one for…well, about the last eleven months of my life. He had had so many different meanings, this search has had it’s ups and downs and uncertainties, wondering, hoping, moping and crying.
It’s has been far more than a spoilt young girl wanting a puppy.
This search begun as the result of the most awful, wounding, painful thing that has happened in my life so far (a positive result however). It may sound overly dramatic; but it is my truth.
The person that I was closest and most connected with died last year March. I won’t name names, because it doesn’t really have life or energy in it left. It is a done deal that I have dealt with.
At first I wanted this German Shepherd as a replacement for this person, but I moved past that. At some point I also wanted this dog as a sort of reminder, but even just that idea became utterly unbearable…
Time ceased, and my reasons changed. But the search continued. I knew that I wanted it, far beyond reason. Some days I didn’t even know why.
The name changed about a couple of months ago when I realized that this search for my Shepherd wasn’t really attached to what I had lost. This Shepherd was a part of my current life and my future, not my past. Even if he had been the one gently steering me through and away from my loss. He had literally been my Shepherd, guiding me on my journey back to myself. Over hills of healing, rivers of tears and caves of longing.
Hence; I renamed him Eli. This was before I actually even watched the movie, not that the movie really matters all that much, it’s just what the name means to me. Besides, Eli (from the bible) never died, he went up to heaven in a chariot of fire. Maybe my Eli will also never die.
It is quite ironic to me though, that I named him after his meaning before I actually knew what it meant.
Eli has been guiding me, blindly, on this journey. And I have come to be exactly where I need to be, at exactly the right time. It is time that he becomes a part of this journey that I am on.
I have been seeing pictures, and notes, and pieces of movies with German Shepherds everywhere for the last while. I even had a dream about him last night. I’ll take it as signs.
It is maybe not exactly what I had in mind, or what I had planned, but I believe that this IS the right time. The right puppy, from the right place. Besides, I’ve been wanting something big to change in my life…something has felt lacking. I’ve been dealing with allot of frustration and patient waiting (waiting for my own place and space) and I fully believe that by bringing this ball of softness and energy in to my life, this last piece of “patiently” waiting will be quite manageable. This is what the universe have handed me, knowing that otherwise circumstances would have been unbearable.
My world is on the verge of changing completely, by bringing Eli with me to my new life it seems less scary. I will have a Shepherd after all!
I will meet my Eli, my Shepherd, on Monday morning. And then I will bring him home